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My dog died and i can t stop crying. - i cant stop crying either i can t eat i can t sleep. can t breathe. no i want to get on a plane and go home and hold my dog. I miss her every day. We had a beautiful 9 year relationship. When i moved in with my boyfriend 3 years ago. I thought everything was perfect. I could finally breathe and relax because i had a great man to love. We had a beautiful 2 year old girl and when i lost my job I was depressed and lost my man as well. I was trying to take care of my kids and working. I went to work 2 times and was able to take care of my kids, my man and make a small little amount of money but life was still hard. Well I went to work one time again 3 days before my job was over. My job was a hard job but I needed the money. When I got there it was to find out that my boss had already been found and fired for sexual harassment and sexual misconduct, the next day she was also fired. I was also fired. I took the termination letter and my badge. I couldn't take it. I was only there a couple of months. At first i was depressed but i knew i couldn't just sit at home. I had to do something. I worked 2 part time jobs to support my kids. I did my best to do what i had to do and be there for my kids and husband and I could only go as far as i had to. I just felt my life was going in the wrong direction. Well, when my kids went to school i went to work at the same job i had when i lost my job. I felt better just being busy and going to work everyday. I started thinking that maybe if i worked a couple of jobs things would work out. Well, a week before the holiday I was looking for a new job. I lost my house because of no pay and my 2 kids lives depended on me. I was just so sad. I was working and I was looking at my new place and things that I would love to have. I just can't figure out how to pay it all back. I was laid off again. I had to move from my house. Well my husband told me to move back in with him. I stayed with him a couple months and got a job working with animals. I loved my job and worked there everyday. But this job didn't last and I lost my job too. Then my husband told me to come home and stay with him. I left there 2 months later. I just couldn't deal with the life I had to have. Now I live alone and I am working 3 jobs. I try my best to pay the bills, take care of my kids and put food on the table and clothes on my back. I want to get out of this life, but I can't because I have to pay bills and have something to eat everyday. I have had a hard time since I was little I wanted things. I wanted my dad's job, car, computer. I wanted what they had and they wouldn't give it to me. Well I am just going to have to work at it to get them. I have been trying to read the bible everyday. But I don't know what to do. I need help to get out of this life and I don't know what to do. I know my parents don't understand or care. I can't even live with my kids when I go out and work. I know my mom and dad hate me because of what I do and the mess I make. I feel like I am such a failure in my life and I know it. I hate the life I live. But I know it's going to be a long road to get out. It's been 3 years and I don't have a place to live. My kids are all grown up and I am so lost. I feel so depressed and lonely. But I know I can do better than this. I know it's going to be a long hard road. I know it's time to leave it all behind and start a new life for me and my kids. My mother in law hates me and she's always giving my parents shit and I feel bad for her. She makes everyone miserable. I am so depressed. I hate myself and my life and its just so hard because no one understands. I know I have to get better. I feel so sad and so lost and I don't know what to do.
3 jobs. I try my best to pay the bills, take care of my kids and put food on the table and clothes on my back. I want to get out of this life, but I can't because I have to pay bills and have something to eat everyday. I have had a hard time since I was 19 years old. I love my kids but that doesn't make it any better. I used to be a happy go lucky girl. I never thought I would have kids. My kids are the biggest reason why I can't leave my life. I was raised in a nice middle class neighborhood, went to school, had friends and everything. I never thought that I would have all these problems. There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
So much has happened in my life lately, some good some bad. I have started to look into getting a divorce and I have talked to an attorney. He said if I want a divorce that I have to get rid of my stuff that I have been saving for 15 years and then I have to pay for all the court fees. I just can't afford to get rid of my stuff, no one can even make a decent living. If I want to get away from my kids I can't because I have to pay them. I used to be proud of myself but then they started coming in second. I never thought that I would be where I am at today. I just want to leave my problems behind but it seems impossible.
I live in Florida but I live in Washington state. I grew up in the middle class and I never thought that I would get involved in this kind of thing. I was always a clean cut kid. I grew up a lot of my friends were like me and we spent a lot of time with one another. I made a lot of close friends and we all shared the same interests. It wasn't until the past two years that I've changed. I've been dealing with financial difficulties for the past four years. I have gone through school and I work full time and have two children and I still fall behind on rent. I have to take out loans from student loans. I don't think that I can keep doing this. I feel that no one is going to believe my side of things. I have to stay positive. I am going to get married soon and I feel that I have to stay positive. I'm not looking to get back with my ex wife, but I need someone to live with. I feel like I need to be with someone and I feel like I don't have anyone to live with. I feel like I am stuck in this rut that I can't get out of. I know that I am going to get married and I feel that my life is going to change. I feel like I am going to start doing better. I think that I will get out of this rut. I am afraid that if I am going to get married and I am going to be stuck with someone that I am not going to be happy. I don't